What is meant by the statement,"The more one tries to change (and be who one is not),the more one stays the same."

The statement "The more one tries to change (and be who one is not), the more one stays the same" reflects a paradoxical observation about human behavior and personal development. It suggests that when individuals attempt to alter their fundamental nature or adopt characteristics that are not genuinely their own, they often fail to achieve meaningful change. Instead, their core identity persists, and their efforts may even reinforce the very traits they are trying to modify.

This concept can be understood from several perspectives:

1. Psychological resistance: People often have deeply ingrained patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that are resistant to change. When they try to act in ways that are contrary to their authentic selves, they may experience internal conflict or cognitive dissonance. This discomfort can lead to a reversion to their original state, negating the attempted changes.

2. Authenticity: Authenticity is the degree to which one is true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, despite external pressures. Efforts to change in ways that conflict with one's authentic self can feel forced or inauthentic, making it difficult for such changes to stick. People are generally more successful at making changes that align with their true selves.

3. Self-sabotage: Sometimes, individuals may unconsciously sabotage their efforts to change because the new identity or behavior feels uncomfortable or they fear the unknown. This self-sabotage can manifest in various ways, such as procrastination, making excuses, or engaging in behaviors that undermine the desired change.

4. Identity and self-concept: A person's self-concept is a powerful force that shapes behavior. If someone's self-concept is at odds with the changes they are trying to make, they may find themselves reverting to behaviors that are consistent with their established identity. For example, if someone sees themselves as a "shy person," they may struggle to maintain a more outgoing persona.

5. The illusion of change: Sometimes, the changes one tries to make are superficial and do not address underlying issues or core aspects of one's personality. In such cases, the more one tries to change, the more apparent it becomes that the fundamental aspects of the person remain unchanged.

To achieve lasting change, it is often necessary to embark on a deeper process of self-discovery and growth that involves understanding and working with one's inherent traits rather than against them. This may involve setting realistic goals, seeking support from others, and developing a greater sense of self-awareness. Change that is congruent with one's values and sense of self is more likely to be sustainable and fulfilling.